I see all of you through the big windows that you look out of as I pass by the second floor workout centre on the street while I go to get a coffee. On the treadmill. On the bikes. Arms flapping and legs moving while you are in a stationary position. I've been there. You wonder if you are getting anywhere with your workout regime. You're not, of course.

If a lesbian couple approached me to volunteer to be the father of their child and they BOTH wanted children, would the resulting babies born be considered twins?

Diary Of A Doctor Who Likes Eggs Scrambled:

Today I was walking along the sidewalk and caught eyes with a couple. The woman smiled and the guy yelled out, "What are you looking at?"

I paused and said, "It appears that I'm looking at an asshole."

Of course this resulted in a big chase. I ran around a corner and brushed into a lady eating ice cream. She dropped it and yelled at me. She said, "What's your problem?"

I paused and said, "I didn't really have one until you screamed for your ice cream."

She pulled out a gun and I started to run.

I jumped behind a car across the street and landed near a fire hydrant. My pants were soaked. Did I get shot? Nope. No blood. I felt like a dog. The fire hydrant with me sitting beside it.

Later that day, I went to do my laundry at the cleaners down the road and ran into the woman who had her boyfriend chase me.

I looked at her and she said, "What are you staring at?"

I paused and replied, "It looks as if I'm staring at an irritated person. Don't you remember me from earlier today?"

She said, "What are you talking about?"

Then I realized it was the wrong person. Then I realized I had a laundry facility in my place and didn't need to be there. Then I realized that all of those events didn't happen.

BUZZ!

Was that an alarm? Was this all a bad dream?

Nope. My pants had just finished drying so I took them out of the dryer and went back home while the woman called the police.

* this is not a true story, so leave me alone

World War II would never have happened if...click here to find out