One day I remember wondering how it all went away and how I lost control and that it could have been different. And again. And again. Shortly after that, I'm grown up and looking in a bookstore and seeing so many of these "How to do" books and scoffing, wondering how these people got away with selling a book on how they managed to just live an independent life. How to do this. How I did it my way. How she did it her way. Now I would have to pay for these books where as before they were mandatory for me to read. And the people buy these books and they are bestsellers and everyone plays by the rules of that book and then someone realizes that by doing so, you are playing by a whole other set of rules again and they are all stacked against you. So a person out of that group will then do their own thing and succeed and then write a book and everyone who watched their life whiz away will realize, "Hey, that is what I should have done!" and they will buy the new book and they will relate because they did everything the person did in the book except for get it right.

The radio songs are playing all the time and we know them all. How often do you hear a song on that you don't know? If you don't, then it will be in your head in a matter of a month or so. It's uncomfortable to hum to a song you don't know. When the rooster crows in the morning, I would love for it to crow: "COCOA LOCO LOCO LOCO HAWW!" and that would really mess people up because we all know it goes a doodle do.

Holy shit. Go and get your coffee. Listen. I need my coffee. If I don't have that coffee, I'm in a bad mood. Thanks for telling me. Now go get your fucking coffee and shut your fucking trap. I'm in a bad mood because you are in a bad mood now and I need a fucking coffee more then the person who is in front of me ordering a muffin too. Hurry up. I don't have time for this. I don't have time to deal with you. I'm going crazy. Two sugars please, Magnolia. Your hair looks great in pony tails. Very cute. I better go, I'm running late, but I need my coffee.

I remember when I lost control. I do remember the day I started to get it back though. Both are stories for another time and day and place.