I sometimes wonder if the act of getting up in the morning to go to work is all a big façade. When the chemicals seep into my head when the shampoo is applied or when the chemicals are applied to my mouth when brushing my teeth (and tongue – There is no acid. No LSD, no?). Then I put the shaving cream on my face and wonder if Jesus would have shaved if he had the proper equipment and cutlery (4 blades only available for $14.99). Finally, I apply the deodorant to my underarms and more chemicals are all over me. Some people will then use a spray after that. Some will apply cologne.

My friend used to study pheromones. I won’t get started on mine here and now. I will save that for another day and time. Smell me later.

Recently I received a nice golden package with booklets inside inviting me to invest a percentage of my income into a retirement fund. On the cover, I see a lovely couple walking on a beach and a sandcastle in the foreground. Inside there are various scenarios about how retirement should be. Any money deposited towards this retirement fund can’t be taken out until I’m 55. At that point I ask the advisor if I can take it all out at once when I am finally eligible to (being my money and all) but she tells me there are more rules and that I can’t and that there are more fees involved. Okay! Sign me up.

People think I’m crazy for not buying into this. They don’t understand how I’m not planning for my retirement. They don’t understand that I do not understand why the corporation will so eagerly chip in to match and exceed my contributions and my taxes will be lower. How can I lose they say?

They don’t understand.

I don’t understand them either, but I don’t tell them otherwise. I respect their decision and I respect their freedom of choice.

There is a place within commuting distance that has the ideal conditions to build sandcastles and I will venture there this year and see if that is where I want to be when I’m 55.

The looks of confidence while they all walk down the street in their suits and ties and skirts and boots are taken as looks of zombies. Don’t break that stride. Don’t break that glare that is looking towards the future!

Yet I see you crack. I saw you slip in your high heels today as you were crossing the way. I saw you sweating on your way to the office. And yes, I saw your empty glare of nothingness in the coffee shop.

I’m on the go. I’m looking for someone who knows what they want but is also willing to take risks. I know what I want in life. Sure. Sure. Sure. I’m your man.

You’re a good kid. You’re a good man. You deserve the best. You really do. Just keep working hard and all these things will come to you.

Even the sandcastles crumble to the dirt they were made from eventually.

In the meantime, I will wake up. I will shampoo. I will brush. I will shave. I will smell good. I will reek of familiarity each and every day as I build my castle.

For those in a mid life crisis right now, thank you. I want to live everyday like you do.

When we retire I will meet you at the beach. I look forward to seeing you there. There are lots of stones on that beach there but most have been chiseled.