Lady, Your Roof Brings Me Down


Dog Pound Experiment

My name is Jonny and one day I decided I was going to work for the dog pound. I had to purchase one of those nets to catch the little runts in. I also thought it would be advantageous to buy some soccer shoes for additional grip when I was running after those stray and wild creatures.

The first day on the job I drove the wagon around town and waited for leads to come through on my CB radio. Nothing came through! The second day I decided the job was getting really boring, so I decided to look for the dogs on my own. The judgement calls were tough - especially around parks. I mean, really, if the dog wasn't on a leash, what was I supposed to do? It's not as if I could smell the tree or fire hydrants and determine if they were out of their territory. I figured it was in my best interests to catch the dogs first and then have people tell me that it was their dog as they saw me remove it from the net I caught them in and/or as I was loading them into the wagon. This backfired too, because people started saying that I was barking up the wrong tree.

Dog gone it! Throw me a bone here! Did you expect me to roll over and play dead? No! I was ruff and I was as tough as rawhide and went on to become a President's Club member for catching the most dogs in a year. Dog eat dog world out there, my friends. They used to say, 'Hey Jonny, we have to put a leash on ya!" or "Hey Jonny, you're the reason The Littlest Hobo got cancelled on the teevee!" or "Hey Jonny, every dog has it's day when you're in town!" or "Hey Jonny, when you're round town, dogs be playin dead when they see ya!" or "Hey Jonny, quit peeing on my leg!"

Everyone - give it a try!

* No dogs were harmed in the making of this story.
** If I was a dog, I probably wouldn't get any treats for making up senseless stories like this.
*** Hey Jonny, why don't you ever finish your meal? You're always taking supper home in a doggy bag!